The last 4 years were the worst years of my life. I know, super dramatic. They were also the years that I grew the most, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Some people would follow this statement with, “but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I don’t regret anything that happened.”
But I’m not some people. I do see and appreciate how lessons from the past four years have molded me into the woman that I am now. I have changed drastically. If I could turn back time, I would. I am definitely proud of myself. I’m not proud of some of the choices that I’ve made but you live and you learn.
If it wasn’t for the past four years and the events that occurred, I wouldn’t have built friendships that constantly remind me who God is.
Take the time to be human. You're allowed to be human.
I wouldn’t have learned what I truly wanted to do.
I wouldn’t have learned that there is no right way to do anything.
I wouldn’t have learned how passionate and creative I can be when I put my heart in it.
I wouldn’t have learned what makes me tick and what makes me laugh.
I wouldn’t have learned how to handle certain life situations.
I wouldn’t have the somewhat thick skin that I do now.
I wouldn’t have met the love of my life.
I wouldn’t have understood why certain things happen to certain people.
I wouldn’t have learned what I like and what I find distasteful…. Or who, of course.
I wouldn’t have learned how I’m extremely affected by my environment.
I wouldn’t have learned how successful I can be (or how anyone can be) if I just put all my energy and efforts into it.
I wouldn’t have learned how much I want to work for myself.
I wouldn’t have learned how much I desperately want to prove people wrong.
I wouldn’t have learned how racism is a prevalent thing in society… even to Asian Americans.
I wouldn’t have learned how valuable and essential it is to have a strong community to support me, to laugh with me, to cry with me, to pray for me
when I can’t even pray for myself.
I wouldn’t have learned how amazing it feels to be independent but to know that I have people in my corner.
I wouldn’t have learned that I don’t have to feel like I’m alone, like it’s me against the world.
I wouldn’t have learned how little tolerance I have for certain things, people, or situations.
I wouldn’t have learned how people will say things regardless of whether you act or you do not.
I wouldn’t have learned how much I care about people.
I wouldn’t have learned how much I care about what people think.
Conversely, I wouldn’t have learned how much I don’t care what people think.
I wouldn’t have learned how much influence any one person can have on another.
I wouldn’t have learned how things that happened in college and prior won't really matter 10 years down the road.
So many lessons, so little time.
Yes, if I can redo certain things, I would. But I’m content with where I am. With who I am. I’m content with the woman I’ve become.
To the insecure young woman out there, to the struggling and hopeless college student, to the scared and easily influenced teenage girl, embrace the time you spend in any situation or circumstance. Know that it’s okay to cry every night. It’s okay to be enveloped in long periods of uncertainty. It’s okay to hit rock bottom. But make sure to get back up. And when you do, it’s okay to take your time.
Take the time to grow. Take the time to experience life one heartbreak at a time, one sleepless night at a time, one anxiety attack at a time. To do all this and more does not make you weak. It does not make you incompetent. It makes you human.
Take the time to be human.
You're allowed to be human.